Slouch Witch Page 9

  The librarian shrugged awkwardly and looked embarrassed. His librarian buddies also looked away, as if sharing in his apparent shame. Clearly Maidmont spent his free hours reading books that were normally off limits to lower Level witches. I suppose there had to be some benefits to lugging cartloads of books around all day long. The Order probably turned a blind eye to things like that. After all, it was one thing knowing such spells; it was quite another to have the ability to perform them. No doubt that was why they employed Level One librarians; even if they were curious enough to flip through the more complicated and dangerous spells, they wouldn’t be able to do anything with them. The Order seniors could be sneakily clever when they wanted to be.

  I filed all the information away for future use and got back to the matter in hand. ‘Well, it’s obvious who our main suspect is.’ Everyone stared at me. I rolled my eyes. ‘The ward spell around the display cabinet is degraded,’ I reminded them. ‘The Ipsissimus is the one who bespelled it in the first place. No one else would believe that they could steal the sceptre so easily. And very few others would have the know-how to bypass the other wards.’

  Winter grew very still. ‘You’re accusing the Ipsissimus, the esteemed Order leader, of stealing his own sceptre?’

  I shrugged. ‘It’s not really his sceptre, is it? It belongs to the Order. He only uses it for ceremonial occasions and then it gets passed along to the next Order Head when they take office.’

  ‘You’re an idiot,’ Winter dismissed.

  I pointed at him. ‘Call me names all you like. You know there’s a chance I’m right. I can see the doubt in your eyes.’ Actually, I couldn’t see anything beyond the brilliant blue of his irises but I liked to pretend I could read him like a book. I glanced at Maidmont. ‘Would anyone expect the ward to be dissipated so quickly?’

  He shook his head. ‘No. Not at all.’

  I smiled smugly. ‘There you go. The Ipsissimus is the prime suspect.’

  Winter glared at me. ‘We are not interrogating the leader of our own Order!’

  ‘Oh,’ I said, the very picture of innocence. ‘I thought you liked to make sure your investigations were done right. You know that getting through the three wards downstairs would take the skills of someone Third Level or above. I think the Ipsissimus falls into that category, don’t you?’ I paused. ‘But if you’re too scared of him or too intimidated to question him…’

  Fire sparked in his eyes. ‘I am not intimidated.’

  ‘Sure. Whatever you say.’

  Winter ground his teeth. ‘Fine. I’ll make an appointment to see him first thing tomorrow – but I will do the talking. You, Ms Wilde, will keep your mouth shut.’

  I beamed. ‘Brilliant. We should skip the gym tomorrow morning too.’ I fluttered my eyelashes in a manner that I hoped was vaguely appealing. ‘Now can we go home?’

  Chapter Nine

  I was unlocking my door when my phone started to ring. Hoping that it was Iqbal with information about how I could break the binding, I experienced a surge of energy and bolted in to answer it. I leapt for the handset, ignoring the puzzled look I received from Brutus at my uncharacteristic speed.

  ‘Hey,’ I said breathlessly. ‘This is Ivy.’

  ‘Ivy! How are you? How are things going?’

  My heart sank. Eve. What the hell was I going to tell her? With any luck, someone had already been in touch and I wouldn’t have to break the bad news that I’d effectively stolen her dream job. ‘Things are … interesting,’ I said, prevaricating. ‘How about with you?’

  She sighed. ‘It’s a real mess up here. First of all, the coven here didn’t know I was coming. Secondly, they’ve got themselves into terrific trouble involving some frogspawn. Honestly, you really don’t want to know the details. It’s quite horrific.’

  She was right; I really didn’t want to know. ‘Have you heard from the Order headquarters?’ I asked, in an overly casual tone.

  ‘Nothing.’ She sounded put out. ‘Given that I’m up here trying to sort out this mess alone, they should have been in touch. It’s not normal for First Levels like me to complete this kind of assignment on their own.’ She dropped her voice. ‘I think it’s a test. If I do well, they’ll let me take the exam and proceed to Second Level. Or maybe it’s to gain entry into Arcane Branch.’

  I winced. ‘Mmm.’

  ‘Anyway, I can’t stay on the line for long. I just wanted to check how Harold is doing.’

  ‘He’s fine. In fact, I’m just about to go and check on him now.’

  ‘Brilliant.’ She sounded relieved. ‘I know he’s not as smart as Brutus but I love him to bits. I hope he’s not too lonely without me.’

  I could tell her that he had company so he probably wasn’t feeling lonely at all but somehow the phone didn’t seem the right way to break the news to her. That, and the fact that I was a total coward. ‘I should probably go,’ I said awkwardly.

  ‘Right, yeah, yeah. Thank you so much for all this, Ivy. I don’t know what I’d do without you.’

  I grimaced as she hung up. I doubted she’d still be singing my praises in a few days’ time when she returned. This is exactly why I hate keeping secrets: they are always trouble in the long run. Skulking around just doesn’t suit my temperament.

  Brutus gazed at me narrow-eyed. ‘Bored.’

  I reached for a piece of paper, screwed it into a ball then tossed it in his direction. He immediately brightened and attacked it with immense vigour. Then he tapped it underneath the sofa and swung balefully round in my direction, as if blaming me.

  I shrugged. ‘Sorry. I’d retrieve it for you but I need to check on Harold and his new housemates.’ I was almost convinced that Brutus rolled his eyes. I gave him a look to suggest there was nothing I could do and vamoosed into the bathroom, snagging up my pyjamas, a towel and some shampoo. With my boiler still out of action, the only shower I was likely to get in my own flat would be ice cold. At least this way I could kill two birds with one stone.

  Harold had moved from one end of the sofa to the other. When I entered, he didn’t even twitch. I was pleased to note, however, that he had one slitted eye on the pair trussed up in the middle of Eve’s floor.

  ‘Hey y’all,’ I said cheerfully. ‘How’s it going?’

  Nobody answered. Dumping my things on a chair, I dealt with Harold first, giving him a big fuss before making sure he had enough food and water. If he was annoyed at being cooped up all day long on babysitting duty, he didn’t show it. I received several head butts and a deep-throated purr. ‘Why can’t Brutus be as sweet as you?’ I asked, tickling him under the chin. Harold’s purr increased. He knew where his food was coming from – at least for the next few days.

  When I was satisfied that Eve’s familiar was content, I moved over to Bell End. I peeled off his gag and offered him some water. He glared at me with the ferocity of a captive bear but he still took it, gulping down several mouthfuls. Once he was done, I waved one of the burgers I’d picked up on the way home. I’d made Winter stop before he dropped me off. Fortunately, he hadn’t commented on the fact that I bought three separate meals but his expression told me exactly what he thought of me. Whatever.

  ‘Want this too?’

  Bell End nodded reluctantly. Feeding him like a baby was too much trouble so I undid his restraints and let him eat it himself while I kept a close eye on him for any sudden movements. His partner twitched the entire time. I even heard her stomach grumble. Tough. She could wait.

  Once Bell End was finished, I re-tied his bonds and patted him on the cheek. ‘There now. Isn’t that better?’

  He scowled. ‘You can’t keep us here forever.’

  ‘Tell me what you were doing here and I’ll let you go.’

  He looked away. I replaced his gag and moved to the woman. ‘What’s your name?’ I asked. She didn’t answer. ‘Tell me your name and I’ll give you food and water.’ I wafted my hand in front of her face. ‘Mmm. Smells good, doesn’t it?’ Her eyes followed the burge
r in my hand. Yep, she was pretty hungry. I unwrapped it and started to eat. ‘Yum.’

  Resignation flickered in her face. I grinned, grabbed the final burger and raised an eyebrow. ‘It’s Alice,’ she said. ‘My name is Alice.’

  Bell End sagged against her. I didn’t know why he was upset; he was the one who’d been stupid enough to come out with identification on him.

  ‘Alice what?’

  ‘Fairclough.’

  ‘You’re in the Order.’

  She nodded reluctantly.

  I took an educated guess based on the magic she’d used against me during our fight. ‘Adeptus Minor?’ I asked. ‘You seem Second Level to me.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  I pointed over to the pile of herbs. Harold helpfully leapt up beside them, his tail whipping from side to side. He apparently thought I should get on with it. ‘What are they for?’

  ‘Just give me the damn food,’ Alice snapped. ‘I told you my name.’

  True. Never let it be said that Ivy Wilde went back on her word. I undid her bonds and she lunged for the burger, cramming into her mouth with gusto. I watched, fascinated. She didn’t even seem to chew.

  Alice was still on her final mouthful when she made a move. She shifted to the right slightly, dropping her hand behind her knee where it was just out of sight. Before she could finish the rune, however, I grabbed her hand and held it up. She squirmed.

  ‘That’s just rude,’ I told her, tying her up again. ‘But at least you’re more interesting than your partner.’ I sat down cross-legged in front of her. ‘Did you break in to foretell Eve’s future?’

  She stared at me as if I were nuts.

  ‘No,’ I murmured, ‘I didn’t think so. Twelve minutes of her future self wouldn’t get you very far.’ I wiped away some ketchup from the corner of my mouth. ‘Perhaps you wanted to see what she’s been up to in the past.’ I doubted it would be very interesting. Eve was a workhorse. If anyone wanted to spy on her, they’d see someone studying, keeping fit, practising magic and maybe, just maybe, sleeping occasionally. I smirked at the idea of someone trying it on me. The report would involve me wandering to the fridge, turning on the kettle and shifting around on the sofa.

  Alice Fairclough’s expression remained studiously bland. ‘So,’ I said, ‘you must have wanted to track her.’ It would have been fairly easy to manage. Neither Alice nor Bell End had expected Eve to be home, so they must have been planning to sprinkle the herbs in the right places so they’d brush off on Eve’s skin. As a First Level witch, Eve wouldn’t have had guards in place to combat such a spell. I leant my head to the side curiously. ‘The question is why.’

  Alice pressed her mouth shut. She obviously wasn’t going to say anything more. Her choice. I felt like I was inching closer to the truth. It was just as well because between these two and Winter, I had my hands full. Another day or two and I reckoned I’d get what I needed. I replaced her gag and smiled. If I was feeling kind I might let them have a pee break soon. I was all heart.

  ‘Not to worry. You two stay here. I’m off for a shower and I’d hate to think you were peeking at me.’

  Alice glared at me. I nodded slowly. ‘Oh yeah. You can’t move, can you?’ I grinned. It was a hard-knock life.

  ***

  The next morning, every single alarm I possessed went off at the same time. It was the only way I could be sure that I wouldn’t fall asleep again. My early start had nothing to do with the upcoming thrill of watching Winter question the Ipsissimus and everything to do with lulling my sapphire-eyed partner into a false sense of security. If I could make him believe that I wasn’t quite as lazy as he thought, I reckoned I’d be able to get away with more – by which I actually meant less – in future.

  I stumbled around, bleary-eyed. The sun rose for a reason. It wasn’t natural to crawl out of bed when it was still dark outside. I muttered irritably to myself as I tried to get ready. My limbs were stiff and unyielding and the more I moved around the more they seemed to hurt.

  Winter had told me that I should dress appropriately for our appointment with the Order head. The only clean clothes I could find, however, were so wrinkled that I wasn’t sure even an industrial strength iron would make them look presentable. I shook out yesterday’s T-shirt and frowned at it. It didn’t smell too bad. Then my gaze fell on the box that Winter had procured for me. Hang on a minute. This could work.

  I rummaged around, pulling out the red robe that was folded neatly on the bottom. As much as I hated dressing like all the Order geeks, this would satisfy Winter and it would mean I didn’t have to bother getting dressed. I could just shrug it on over my pyjamas and no one would be any the wiser. I grinned. I bet other witches did this all the time.

  Smoothing down my hair as best as I could, I gave Brutus a sloppy kiss on the head, spat out the fur that inevitably ended up in my mouth, and headed for Eve’s flat. I double-checked that its occupants, both feline and human, were alright and gave them enough refreshments to last the day. I’d be relieved to get them out of my hair. Hopefully, Bell End and Fairclough would cough up the answers I wanted before too long. They were becoming a drain on my time that I could do without.

  Once I was satisfied they’d been dealt with, I went downstairs. Winter had insisted on picking me up again. It suited me; it meant I’d be able to nap on the drive in and catch up on some of my precious lost sleep.

  I made it to the corner about twenty seconds before he pulled up. He stuck his head out of the window and blinked at me. ‘You’re here.’

  I made a show of checking my watch-less wrist. ‘I’ve been waiting for at least fifteen minutes.’

  He frowned. ‘I’m bang on time. We said six am. It is six am.’

  ‘I didn’t want to miss you,’ I told him, clambering into the passenger seat. ‘You were grumpy enough yesterday to last a lifetime.’

  ‘I was not grumpy,’ he growled.

  ‘Yes, you were. Throwing water over an innocently sleeping woman is not the action of someone with a sunny attitude.’

  Winter’s mouth twitched. ‘The last thing I would ever call you is innocent.’ He put the car into gear and began to drive.

  ‘If the opposite of innocent is experienced and worldly-wise,’ I commented, ‘then I’ll take it.’

  ‘You certainly seem experienced at sleeping.’

  ‘Oh,’ I purred, ‘when it comes to the bedroom, I have lots of experience. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I’m very skilled.’

  Unfortunately, Winter wasn’t easy to embarrass. ‘Is that so?’ he murmured. The faintest hint of mocking disbelief coloured his words.

  It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him I’d give him a demonstration if he so wished but somehow it didn’t seem like a good idea. If he were anyone else, I’d have continued with the banter but with Winter it made me feel slightly uncomfortable. Goodness knows why.

  ‘Now buckle up,’ he instructed.

  I smiled slightly, grateful for the change of subject. ‘Are you concerned for my safety?’

  ‘If you end up splattered against the windshield, the paperwork would be a pain in the arse. Not to mention the cleaning.’

  ‘See?’ I said smugly. ‘You don’t enjoy extra work any more than I do.’

  He rolled his eyes. I clicked in the seatbelt and grinned. Sometimes Winter was almost human.

  ***

  ‘We should be grateful that the Ipsissimus has agreed to come in early to answer our questions,’ Winter informed me.

  Should we? I opened my mouth to say as much but Winter held up a hand to forestall me. ‘It’s good that you dressed appropriately. He will be pleased that you’re showing that you’re willing to be a real part of the Order for the next hundred days.’ I pressed my lips together tightly. ‘But, as I said yesterday, it’s important that you let me do the talking. This is a delicate situation which requires careful diplomacy.’

  Considering I hadn’t seen much yet in the way of careful diplomacy from Winter, I was amuse
d by his words. All the same, I could let him worry about the stupid sceptre and the Ipsissimus and spend my time thinking about what to do with Bell End and Alice. Or better still, daydreaming.

  ‘Adeptus Exemptus Winter,’ I began.

  ‘You really don’t have to keep calling me that.’

  ‘Adeptus Exemptus Raphael Winter,’ I said instead, ‘do you know everyone in the Order?’

  ‘There are thousands. Of course not.’

  I arched an eyebrow. ‘You strike me as the kind of person with his finger on the pulse.’ Truthfully, I’d imagined him being conscientious enough to pore over the names, photos and identities of each and every Order witch. He seemed that kind of person.

  Winter sighed. ‘Who is it you’re looking for?’ His eyes narrowed slightly. ‘Do you want to know more about Philosophus Villeneuve?’

  He was referring to Tarquin. I shook my head. ‘No. Do you know Alice Fairclough?’

  ‘Second Level Adeptus Minor,’ he answered instantly.

  Ha! I knew he’d be aware of her. ‘And what kind of person is she?’

  ‘I know her name, Ms Wilde. I don’t know her shoe size or whether she’s an adept witch or not. She is Second Level, however, so I assume her abilities are reasonable.’

  It appeared that Winter lived and died by the Order’s hierarchy. He wasn’t denying knowledge of her; if he had anything to do with her shenanigans at Eve’s, I’d have expected him to deny having heard of her. ‘Does she have a partner?’ I enquired. ‘Or a mentor?’

  ‘Adeptus Exemptus Diall.’

  Hmm. Something about Winter’s tone suggested that he didn’t think much of Diall. That was interesting.

  ‘How about Matthew Bellham? Have you heard of him?’

  Winter turned to me. ‘What exactly is all this about?’

  ‘I’m just curious.’

  ‘No,’ he answered. ‘I have not heard of him.’

  Probably because Bell End was First Level and beneath Winter’s consideration. I nodded amiably. ‘Thanks.’ Winter looked shocked. ‘What is it?’ I asked.

  ‘You thanked me. You have manners after all.’ He shook his head melodramatically. ‘I never would have believed such a thing were possible.’